According to Panotch, Hartnell and Berube are on the Fritz

Flyers beat writer Tim Panaccio says Hartnell is no longer talking to Berube…..

Which Mighty Ducks had a shot to go all the way

Like most of you, watching the Might Ducks trilogy is a bi-weekly thing for me. And every time I watch it, it bothers me more and more that there hasn’t been any type of follow up on the players. Disney is just the worst type of corporation for giving these danglers the same type of treatment they gave Hans; death. We deserve to know who went on to bigger and better things, and who went on to fizzle out while railing some lines in juniors. But here is an educated guess to start to argument.

The Definites:

Adam Banks – Banksy 10000% made it to the show. Hands-down, no doubts about it. The kid was probably a no. 1 overall draft. A once in a lifetime type of talent who was lucky enough to be taken from grips of Coach Riley in the first movie. If Banks didn’t get swindled in to playing for District 5, he would have had the same fortune as Bombay. Not even a has-been, a never-was.

Guy Germaine – Most of this is in the name. No way does that hockey name not make its way to the league. His parents knew exactly what they were doing when they named him. Plus he had some solid flow, and stellar game with the ladies. Germaine was probably a late 1st round pick, ditched Connie, grabbed a new squeeze and played a couple 60-game seasons. Not a bad life, but nothing like the Banks show.

The Maybe’s:

Dean Portman – Out of the Bash Brothers, Portman definitely had the most upside. Sure, Fulton had the shot but so do most blueliners in the league. Portman was more of a badass, less of a liability, and an overall better fit for the game. Once he settles down and stops taking so many dumb penalties just to have an excuse to strip in the box, he could be a perfect 4th liner with penalty killing responsibilities.

Luis Mendoza – Going out on a limb here and saying once Luis learns how to stop on a consistent basis, he could be one of the most dangerous players in the game. Seriously, if you give this kid some open ice to work on, he’s gonna make you pay. If I’m an NHL scout, I at least give him a shot to see what kind of damage he can do.

Charlie Conway – Here’s the thing. I could never tell if Charlie was any good or not. The kid was a spazoid in the original, he was a healthy-scratch for the gold medal game in D2, and he was a total headcase for most of D3. But somehow he always managed to find ways to win and be a leader of the team. Besides bailing on the team in D3, I’d say Conway is the type of locker room guy a team needs. Not sure if that initially gets you into the league or not, but hey, he has a chance.

The Probably-Not’s:

Dwayne Robertson – Cowboy Dwayne has hands for days. He has mitts of a Russian, and the passion of a North American. That’s a solid combo for sure. But no chance does the cowboy have the type of work ethic to make his way out of college hockey. He probably got his degree and moved back South only to be horribly disappointed by the Dallas Stars new uniforms and choice of captain.

Lester Averman – Good player? Sure. Annoying as all hell? Absolutely. Averman gets on everybody’s nerves. The type of guy who gets a stick to the mouth from dudes like Steve Downie during his first year of juniors and decides to hang up the skates for good. He does taxes now.

Fulton Reed – For such a big guy, Fulton always seemed so fragile. He always needed to cling on to somebody, i.e. when he left the team with Charlie in D3. Once you take Fulton away from his little Duck friends, he doesn’t have the stability to be the same Fulton anymore. Probably got cut from the next team he played for. Sucks, but it’s the truth.

Kenny Wu – Undersized and pretty strange. Skills for days, but he would get bullied by Gerbe.

The Definitely Not’s:

Russ Tyler – All he had was a knuckle-puck. That is the dumbest shot in history. It takes way too long to set up and has no chance of fooling any actual tendy. Get out of here.

Julie the Cat – U.S. Women’s Olympic team? For sure. NHL roster? For sure not.

Connie Moreau – Fell off the wagon after Guy Germaine broke her heart. Nobody has seen her in a while.

Goldberg – Completely forgot about Goldberg when this list was being made. That just goes to show how forgetful he is when it comes to dissecting actual talent. Funny guy, but too fat and slow.

Happy 4th ya Draggers

America kicks ass, doesn’t it?  Today we celebrate the American soldiers 5-goaling the British Empire in the American Revolution. It is because of these old school danglers that we have the freedom today to stay out on the ice for an extra shift or 2, even when our coaches are screaming for us to get a line change. It is because of these danglers that we have the freedom to throw a beauty forehand-backhand top shelf and not have to worry about getting taxed for it. Needless today, without the signing of the Declaration, there could have been no Miracle on Ice and no Brian Leetch. And that shit would suck.

One of the most important contracts in the history of the world was signed on this date 236 years ago. Our great nation was picked up as a free agent from the British Empire, and boom, America signed a big ass, long term deal with no trade clause. To be honest, I really hope that Parise and Suter don’t make their decisions today because trying to out-do the contract America signed on July 4, 1776 is the impossible. Unless John Hancock himself is in the room with either of them to sign the contract, that shit should have to wait until tomorrow, at least doe.

So once again, Happy 4th you sons of bitches. Thanks so far for letting Toe Drag get to where it is today, and Let’s Gooooooo.

USA

Kaner is Back in the Building: Why this Free Agency is Boring

What up draggers? It’s been a while, but it’s about that time for us here at Toe Drag to pick this shit up again, so lets just jump right into it. This years free agency is about as entertaining as a Charlotte Bobcats game. Moves have been hard to come by, and that’s mainly because of two men. By now everyone and their mothers know who Zach Parise and Ryan Suter are, and what they are, are straight hockey fan boner killers. Now I understand that they are making life changing decisions, cause wherever these two beauts decide to play is basically gonna be their home for the majority of their career, but can you two speed this process up? Everyone is waiting on you two. I was so ready sit in front of my TV all day and listen to James Duthie and his terrible jokes as this madness ensued. Well that plan backfired. Nothing about this free agency has been entertaining, and as the rest of this day passes I can pretty much assure everyone that if Parise and Suter don’t decide which teams they want to play for by tonight, it is definitely not happening on the 4th. Parise will have more important things to do, like grillin’ some burgers and poundin’ a few brews with his buddies. So please gents, let’s make this decision by tonight, so we can blow up twitter.

By the way, my predictions for the two..

Parise – Pen’s or Wild, and I’m leaning more toward the Pen’s which sucks, cause him a Crosby are gonna be nasty

Suter- Detroit or Philly

PS – About a 10 % chance they go to the same team

First Lindros, now Jagr.

“I just scammed Dallas out of $4.5 mil” (In broken english of course)

The Dallas Stars are time and time again proving that when they want to make a move, they go out there and make it. The only problem is that they don’t get around to it until its 5-10 years too late. If anybody ever says that Eric Lindros wasn’t the most dominant player in his hay-day, that person should be roundhoused to the nuts. But when Big E started to fall off a little, he made a trip to New York and Toronto and did virtually nothing. And then Dallas realized that this Lindros guy was pretty good so gave him a contract. What happened? The power-dangler ended his career before the hillbillies in Texas even realized he put on the jersey.

It’s a shame that Jagr will most likely have the same outcome. He impressed everyone in Philly early on with his skills, but the biggest impact he had was obviously in the locker room with all da yung buhls. Now Jags is in Dallas where god damn newly acquired Derek Roy belongs to the younger half of the team. Derek Roy was in NHL 2001 for the original Playstation for Christ’s sake. There is hardly anyone on this team for Jagr to have an impact on and there is hardly any way that this Dallas Stars team can do anything worth while this season. But hey, at least he doesn’t have to hang out with Steve Ott on the reg. That guy is a douche.

Nicklas Grossmann is Gross, Man

More Flyers updates here. With Philadelphia picking up Luke Schenn via trade and Danny Syvret via Free Agency, it is time to look at the defensive unit as a whole. And we are talking about looks here people.

League-wide, it is commonly accepted that Anze Kopitar is the ugliest player in the NHL. Nothing against his mitts, dangles and wheels. But based on looks alone, Kopitar is standing in the corner by himself when he goes out to the bar before he puts on his name tag. (Obviously the ladies flock to him once they realize who he is). All of that aside, it seems that the Flyers are trying to emulate the Kings method for success by up-ing the ugly factor in the locker room.

Grossmann is someone to be feared. If your going 1-on-1 into the corner with him, it would be advised to just curl up and drop to the ice. But regardless, the dude is just terrible looking.

ew

If Radulov Cared. A new segment.

Fugg It

Welcome to the first segment of “If Radulov Cared”. This segment will look at a player, coach, general manager, entire team, etc. who exemplifies everything that typical hockey critics despise, but what we here at Toe Drag Hockey thrive on. Players like Radulov just don’t give a shit about anything about making moneys and toe-dragging honeys. Sure, a bunch of assists each year are going to up your stock in the NHL over some period of time, but why set up the plays when you can be shelfing beauties and getting paid time-and-half in the KHL. You gotta respect the guy from realizing that sometimes, the dream just isn’t for everybody.

So it only makes sense that for the spotlight of today’s “If Radulov Cared”, we will take a moment to celebrate Alex Radulov’s complete disregard for the National Hockey League. We’ve all had the dream of making it to the NHL, and when Radulov turned that dream into reality, he bailed for “greener” pastures. Like a Boss.

Flyers Win Danny Syvret Sweepstakes

What a beaut

So far, this NHL Free Agency Period has been a tad boring. Players aren’t making decisions and insiders are hardly even trying to break rumors anymore. But finally, the Philadelphia Flyers have made an acquisition that is the Blockbuster deal of the summer. The “Broad Street Bullies” have signed D-Man Danny Syvret, bringing him back to the Flyers organization. The city couldn’t be happier.

Now that Syvret is inked up, it seems that the rest of the dominoes will fall into place. Teams and Free Agents have been waiting to see where Syvret would end up and just how much money he would accrue before they made any further decisions. Thankfully, with Flyers finally making this move, the rest of the Free Agency period will become the Frenzy that has been promised to the fans.

P.S. – With Danny Syvret manning the blue line, it appears that the Flyers are the clear favorites to win Lord Stanley’s Cup next season.

Flyers Fans: Nash Won’t Come so Shut Up Already

What a Bitch

If you know that the first faceoff of a hockey game is at center ice, then you know that Nash will not be a member of the Flyers next year, and most likely never in his career. If you can’t understand that concept, well then you should go out and get a hockey helmet to wear around off the ice. No matter what kind of deal the Flyers can throw at Columbus, it is up to Rick “Stash the Cash” Nash whether or not he wants to come to Philly or not. And homeboy already made it clear that he doesn’t care about winning the Cup and has not put Philadelphia on his list of potential destinations.

Tim Panaccio is a sly son-of-a-b and knows that by writing a thing or two about Nash coming to the Flyers, people will read and he will get paid. Starting rumors for the hell of it because he’s a desperate clown. So from now on, Rick Nash is public enemy numero uno, and T Panotch is a close runner up.

Kings Win Lord Stanley’s Cup. And so ends another chapter in the book of Hockey

The LA Kings are your 2012 Stanley Cup champions. Sure, I’m just as disappointed as the next guy who isn’t a Kings fan and for this entire series, and I’ve been quite salty that I won’t get to enjoy a parade. But when all is said and done, it’s seeing the faces on all the players hoisting that cup that remind us what a great game it is that we play. If you’ve ever laced up the skates just one time, you’ve had the dream of holding that cup over your head at least once. For most of us, it seems like that dream was every night. And now, a group of guys get to live out that dream and a new group in the hockey tribe have achieved the ultimate prize. And it’s a beautiful thing regardless of what team it is that gets to enjoy it.

Congrats to the LA Kings and most importantly, congrats to the game of hockey. It was a great season and its sad to see it go. Just remember, the game is bigger than winners and losers. It’s the best game in the world and you can’t help but feel a million different emotions when you see that cup lifted and kissed. Keep on dangling day in and day out, because you never know when your last toe drag is going to be.

Now its on to the Draft and Free Agency. Let the games begin, bitches.